Hi, I'm Trisha, I'm 55 years old, and I am neurodivergent. I was diagnosed with ASD at primary school age, along with dyslexia and dyspraxia. I attended mainstream schools for both primary and secondary school, and although I am intelligent, I failed all 4 'O' levels I took (yes, I know I'm old; think of them as higher level GCSEs), and I got 7 CSES that at the time were worth little unless you got a grade 1. CSEs were graded 1 to 5, with 1 being the best grade you could get and equivalent to a C grade O level. Below a C was a fail. I got 2 Ds, 2 Es, and 7 CSEs, grades 2 to 5.
I struggled with school, so I tried the local college at 16. I did not fit in at all with the small group in my class, and I was bullied for being weird and different. I did two terms at college and dropped out, trying to cope with the work environment.
Well, there have been a few jobs that weren't complete disasters, at least from the beginning, but I became overwhelmed in most of my employment. I didn't realise that's what it was. I became burnt out and failed at some critical tasks, and I was allowed to resign rather than be sacked. Meanwhile, my little brother was doing well, was very popular, and could fit in anywhere. I fit in nowhere. At 19, I still lived at home and hated it, but I couldn't hold down a job long enough to get my own place.
I moved in on my then-boyfriend; he was a friend who became more. I got married at 21, and by 25, I had two kids, but at 22, I was first admitted to a psychiatric hospital with `severe depression and possibly bipolar disorder`; my eldest was nine months old at the time. I was again admitted to a psychiatric hospital after the birth of my son when I was 25, again diagnosed with 'severe depression'. I was on an impressive cocktail of medication by the time I was 30.
Well, things happened, and my marriage broke up. During it, I felt I couldn't cope with being a wife and mother. I did my level best for my kids; they were brilliant and helped me manage all the school-related paperwork by signing it themselves, but they always told me when they did it, so I had no worries about them doing that.
So, there I was, aged 40, just moved to Ipswich, still on the cocktail of medication; I joined various things; some worked out ok, and some did not so much. I had CBT therapy, CAT therapy, and was still diagnosed as having severe depression. Even when I was a part of a group, I always felt disconnected from everyone else.
Oh, just as an aside, I have sensory issues with some things. I cope badly with fresh mangoes, peaches, ripe pears, and hair gel; I hate them dripping in my hands and thinking they will drip down my arms. As an adult, one Christmas, I told my brother, and he thought I was joking, and he didn't believe me at first. I have fabrics that make me feel physically sick, even the thought of them. I can't cope with anything rubbery, including tire innards; anything made of PVC makes me want to hurl even if I'm not wearing it, and any fabric that feels obviously artificial. Oh, and I can't cut up raw chicken breasts because they are `slimy` as far as I am concerned.
Anyway, I was in The Royal Oak having a coffee when I saw a Neurodivergent Abilities flier. Very hesitantly, I rang the number and found Michelle absolutely delightful. The way she, Kerrie, and Marcus have helped me in a few weeks is amazing. They are helping me sort out my cluttered house and chaotic life, helping me understand myself better and how my brain works differently, and teaching me how to cope better with being me going forward and not beat myself up for not being able to do stuff that 'normal' neurotypicals can.
I had an appointment with my therapist. I have found one who understands I am neurodivergent, and she asked me how I felt about having ASD and undiagnosed ADHD. I said to her that I feel joyful because I now know I am not a failure in life; I have a disability, and that explains why I struggle with things sometimes.
Michelle, Kerrie and Marcus have changed my life for the better in a few short weeks, and I have become part of the team as a volunteer, mainly helping with the girl's sewing group, supporting them in any way I can and helping them problem solve hitches with their projects. At the end of the first evening, I felt I had at last found my tribe. Somewhere I fit in, and somewhere I can make a positive difference without neglecting myself.
The summary of my ramblings is that having ASD and/or ADHD is not the end of the world. Sure, it makes life more difficult for us than the 'average' person, but it also gives us a way to look at and access the world differently. It gives us challenges and does not make life easy for us, or our loved ones, but with support, we can do more than we ever thought we could.
I'm not suggesting that with the support of Michelle and the team, you could suddenly become the next Usain Bolt or lead scientist for NASA. However, with the right support, you or your loved ones can achieve more than you thought possible. Support can make it easier to cope with an ASD and or ADHD diagnosis, official or not. It won't make the challenges disappear, but it will make them more manageable in our 21st-century world.
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